Rosalie WoodsThe scene is set – a time, day and venue arranged. It’s time for your first date together. How are you feeling? Nervous, excited, overwhelmed, distracted or ho hum?
Regardless of how you are feeling, its important to understand the goal of a first date. The goal is simple – to have fun together. That’s it!
The goal is not to interrogate, look for red flags, be competitive, feel butterflies in your stomach or pronounce whether or not you had a “connection”. The goal is simply to have fun together. All to often, we arrive on a first date – filled with anticipation, fear (will he/she like me), judgement or pretend we don’t care. We analyse every word and gesture – and decide if, based on meeting someone for an hour or more, if they are “the one”. That’s not fun for anyone!
Having a connection, that lasts, with someone is based on being your relaxed and authentic self. Listening, focussing on being with your date (not scrolling on your phone, taking selfies, flirting with someone else or telling stories about your ex) and actively engaging in conversation help us to relax and enjoy our time together. Exploring to find common interests, ideas or experiences. What can you both do to make it a fun date? Are you fun to be with? Laughter helps to make us relax and feel better about ourselves.
As the date draws to a close, all that is required is for you to answer the following question: do I want to have fun with this person again? If the answer is yes, for both of you – start planning date 2. If the answer is no, say so – with kindness and keep looking.