What have you learnt from your previous relationships?

When relationships break down we often feel like our heart has been broken…. we can feel betrayed, hurt, grief, loss, shame and anger. It takes time to heal. That’s why I recommend that you take some time BEFORE dating again (yes, I know…this is a dating app..lol) – to heal AND to own your part.

Here are some tips to help you with the healing process:

1. Allow Yourself to Grieve: It’s important to acknowledge and accept your feelings of sadness, anger, and loss. Allow yourself to grieve the end of the relationship and give yourself permission to feel your emotions fully. Suppressing your feelings just prolongs the healing process, so make space for them to surface. When they do surface – name them, write them down and then keep writing – Why do I feel this way? If writing isn’t your thing, do this as a mind-map or a voice memo.
2. Seek Support: Surround yourself with supportive friends and family members who are great listeners, empathetic and provide encouragement. Notice if you feel better or worse about yourself after spending time with someone. Spend more time with those who make you feel better about yourself. Reach out for professional help such as a therapist or a coach – to help you work through your emotions in a safe and constructive manner.
3. Practice Self-Care: Take care of yourself both physically and emotionally during this time. Engage in activities that bring you comfort and joy, whether it’s exercise, spending time in nature, pursuing a hobby, or practicing mindfulness and meditation. Prioritise your well-being and make self-care a priority. Here’s a short list of possible self care routines: https://www.rosaliekwoods.com/blog-1-1
4. Focus on Personal Growth: Use this period of healing as an opportunity for self-reflection and personal growth. Reflect on what you’ve learnt from the relationship and the breakup, and consider how you can grow from the experience. Set goals for yourself and take steps towards achieving them.
5. Give Yourself Time: Be patient, gentle and compassionate with yourself as you navigate through the ups and downs of healing. Healing is not linear and there will be good days and bad days. Indeed some relationship experts recommend 12 months of being on your own before dating again.

Remember that everyone’s healing journey is different, so find what works best for you. Be kind and compassionate to yourself during this time and trust that with time, patience and self-care you will find peace and healing. Remember, small changes lead to sustainable breakthroughs.

Here is a great exercise you can do to assist with your self reflection:
✅ Make 2 lists – at least 1 month apart; and then compare the two. What do you notice?
✅ List 1: What do I value in a partner?
✅ List 2: What do/did my family and friends tell me to value in a partner?

OWNING YOUR PART:
When a relationship fails, it’s critical that you are honest with yourself and work out what your part was. If you don’t take the time and make the effort to do this – you will keep repeating the same pattern. I believe every relationship is co-created (not necessarily 50/50), which means that regardless of who did what to whom, YOU played a part in creating that relationship dynamic.

Here’s an exercise you can do to get you started on owning your part:
✅ What excuses did you make – for you and for your partner?
✅ What justifications did you make – for you and your partner?
✅ How clearly did you communicate your deal breakers, needs, wants, boundaries and desires to your partner?

Want to dive deeper? I conduct a 12 week program that goes through the 10 steps to reframe the way you love. You can email me directly for further details: welcome@rosaliekwoods.com